


The Turkey Incident

by orphan_account



Category: Adam Levine (Musician), Blake Shelton (Musician), The Voice (US) RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 20:05:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8767312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Cooking Thanksgiving dinner can't be that hard, can it? Blake and Adam are about to find out.





	

"Time to get this going."

"Well....go ahead. Do the...the thing." 

"It was your idea." 

Blake gazed at the turkey sitting on his counter top. He'd shot them plenty of times, but this one was frozen and wrapped in shrink wrap. Somehow that made it more intimidating. And while he was a pretty decent cook, he'd never done a total Thanksgiving dinner before. But Adam had a way of giving him puppy dog eyes and suddenly he was giving the rock singer whatever he wanted.

"Well, you've had more cooking experience than me," Adam hedged. "I mean, you've shot these things. I'm sure you cooked them too."

"Fresh ones." The country singer gave a deep sigh. 

He took a knife in hand and cut the plastic wrapper away from their frozen bird. Watered down turkey blood splashed the counter and Adam gave a little sound of disgust.

"Should it still be bleeding?" 

"I don't know." 

"You're a hunter!" 

"Yeah, but this thing's been dead for...a really long time!" Blake threw his hands up. "Stop asking questions and get some paper towels!

Adam frantically unrolled paper towels and began wiping the turkey blood off the counter. Blake took the carcass in hand and set it in the sink, rinsing it off. He was a hunter, yes, but he also had a vested interest in not getting food poisoning. His experience with the water in Cancun was enough for one lifetime as far as that mess went. 

"Aren't you going to put soap on it?" The rock star asked at his elbow.

"Soap?" Blake looked at Adam incredulously. "And I'm the dumb one?"

"What? I'm trying to keep everyone from getting salmonella!" He pouted. "I mean...you put the turkey in the sink, wasn't that to wash it off?"

"With water, Adam. With water. We aren't putting soap on the fucking turkey." 

Adam rolled his eyes. "Fine...fine...remember, I haven't done this before, okay?"

"Well, I know what I'm doing," Blake said with perfect confidence as he lifted the turkey from the sink.

And immediately dropped it on the kitchen floor. Still wet, the dead bird slid halfway across the room with a little squeak. When it came to rest, Blake could only stare at the bird. The last shred of his know-it-all attitude laid on the floor, one pink, naked wing stretched out to the side. His eyes slowly turned to Adam, cringing at how his confidence was so quickly knocked down.

"Okay..." His boyfriend began slowly. "No soap, but we better rinse this bird off..."

"Yeah," Blake nodded gratefully.

Adam picked the turkey up by the wings and started to dance it across the floor. "I wanna be....your sledgehammer..." 

Blake let out a loud, booming laugh. This was exactly why he loved Adam. Even though he was pushing forty, he had the heart of a little boy. And he made Blake feel like a little boy in return. Like two crazy teenagers in love, even if they were both starting to go grey and Blake had a beer belly. It felt like the best was both the present and yet to come. And that made Blake feel truly thankful, to have that kind of wonderful someone to love and be loved by in return.

"Why don't you call my naaaaame..." Adam continued, swinging the turkey around a little more dramatically as he danced it towards Blake. "I wanna be your..."

CRACK!

The rock star's serenade was cut off abruptly when the left wing snapped off the turkey's body. The pink, naked fowl slumped forward towards the floor like a deflated balloon. Adam pulled back on it frantically and another crack pierced the air. The rock star looked up at Blake, a wing in either hand and his hazel eyes wide with disbelief.

"Oh shit."

"Oh shit is right," Blake groaned. "Now our turkey is a double damn amputee!"

Adam looked at the wings in his hands. "Do you think we can reattach them?"

"I don't know...maybe?" 

He went over to the turkey and scooped it up in his hands. It was starting to warm up, making the skin a little sqooshy beneath his fingers, but still cool to the touch. Blake looked at Adam, who seemed a little sheepish about the mishap, and leaned in to kiss his boyfriend. At least he had a plan B if things continued to go to hell. He only had one Adam. 

"Not mad?" The rock singer asked softly when they parted. 

"Not mad." Blake confirmed. "Just...starting to wonder if we're up to this challenge."

"We can do it!" Adam's stubbornness crackled to life in his dark eyes.

He knew better than to try to out-stubborn the rock star. They had done that only one time and it left them not speaking for two weeks. After that, Blake realized he'd met his match in that department. It was better to work with Adam than to try to push him into doing something. And if he was set on conquering this Thanksgiving dinner, then they would at least make every attempt to succeed. 

"Okay..." Blake bent over and gently scooped the wingless turkey up off the tile like it was a infant. Cradling it in his hands, he slowly went back to the sink and deposited the bird back inside. He turned on the tap and watched the water flow over the bird, taking little bits of dirt and dog hair with it. 

"So what comes next?" Adam asked, reaching out and poking the bird with one finger. "I think it's unthawed."

"We gotta get the neck and giblets out." 

"Huh?" Confusion crossed the other man's features. "Out of...where?"

"The turkey. Didn't you ever help your Mom with dinner?"

Adam snorted. "Do you think my mother let us help her cook?"

Blake was very fond of Mrs. Levine, but she was a good old fashioned Jewish Mother, so he knew that the answer was 'no way in hell.' It was starting to make sense now why Adam could only make eggs without causing a kitchen disaster. He was willing to bet that the rock star could also do a pretty good job with Ramen. Unfortunately, neither of those things were a turkey and trimmings.

"Okay..." He turned the turkey around, so the big hole between its legs was facing up at them. "You need to put your hand in there. Feel around...there should be a neck in there. And a little bag."

"Why do they put the neck and guts in the turkey's ass?" Adam made a face. "I don't want to put my hand in there."

"I don't really have an answer for that. But my hands are too big." Blake shrugged. "So...it's got to be you."

Adam looked at Blake, then back to the turkey's ass, poised and waiting for him. "Really? And when did you have the bigger hands?"

"If I admit you have a bigger something else will you stop arguing about it?"

A smirk spread over Adam's face and he shrugged. "Well, you're telling me something I already know. But it's nice to hear you admit it."

He had a feeling he was going to be hearing about it for a long time. "Yeah, yeah...just...put your hand in the turkey's butt, man." 

Adam slowly sunk his fingers into the turkey, disgust twisting his features. "Are you sure that's a neck? It doesn't feel like a neck..."

"It's a neck." Blake reassured him. "Just wrap your fingers around it and pull..."

The rock star paused a moment, looking up at Blake with a faint smile on his lips. Blake studied his boyfriend quizzically, trying to figure out what was going on his mind. It had to be a good thing, the way the adorable little crinkles were blooming beside Adam's eyes.

"I was just remembering the first time you told me that..." Adam admitted, then grinned. 

"Well, I hope it was more fun than this..." He chuckled.

"Definitely not as cold. Or...wet." 

With a grunt Adam pulled back his hand, grasping a long, pink object that was more than a little phallic. It came out rest of the way and the rock star dangled it in front of Blake. He took a step back without realizing it. Hunter or not, he didn't want a half frozen turkey neck to touch his face. And that seemed perfectly reasonable in Blake's mind.

"Did you feel the giblet bag in there?" He asked, grabbing a sauce pan off the counter and holding it out for the turkey neck. 

"Nuh uh," Adam dropped the neck into the pan, wrinkling his nose. "Why don't you just throw it away? Who's going to eat the turkey neck?"

"No one. I'm using it for gravy." He explained. "And you need to make sure that there's no giblet bag in there. I don't think we want burnt paper in the turkey's butt. Might alter the taste a bit."

"There's no bag in there." 

"There has to be..." Blake replaced the sauce pan on the counter, frowning. "I mean...my Mom never cooked a turkey that didn't have the little giblet bag in it."

Adam shrugged. "If you don't believe me, put your hand in there yourself. But I think maybe they just forgot. Maybe there's some turkey out there that has two of them. I don't know...but if you want to be totally sure, be my guest, Big Country."

He made a little flourish with his hand towards the turkey. Blake stared at the hole between the frozen fowl's legs, made even bigger from having one hand down inside of it already. Oh well, it wasn't like he'd never done this part before. His mother had always called him in to do the gross part of removing the gizzards instead of his sister. At least until he convinced her that his hands were too big and they might have to cut the turkey in half if he couldn't get his hand out of it.

Of course, that was just a story he'd made up to get out of doing a gross job. Blake pursed his lips and slid his hand into the turkey's butt cavity. It was cold and a little sticky. No wonder Adam had been so eager to give the job over to him. He probably hadn't looked that hard for the giblet bag. Though as Blake scraped his fingers around the sticky, still slightly hard sides of the turkey's insides, he wasn't feeling a bag either.

"See?" Adam must have seen the quizzical expression on his face. "There's nothing else in there."

"Where the hell did they put it?" Blake sighed heavily. "It said on the label that there were giblets included. I checked. Thought you might wanna give them to the dogs."

Blake went to withdraw his hand from the semi-frozen cavity, trying to think where else they might stick a little bag of turkey guts on the turkey. It took a couple seconds for his mind to pick up on the true problem at hand...or rather his hand. He tried to pull it back a little harder and it wouldn't budge. 

"Oh shit." 

"What?" His boyfriend returned from the sink, wiping his hands on a towel. "What's wrong?"

"My hand is stuck." 

Adam glared at him. "If you're fucking with me, Blake..." 

"I'm not!" Blake pulled his hand back as hard as he could, the turkey moving right along with him. "See?"

"Oh no..." 

"What the hell are we going to do?" 

"Um..." The rock star grabbed hold of the turkey's legs. "I'm going to pull this way and you're going to pull that way, okay?"

He wasn't about to tell Adam that probably wouldn't do anything. It was worth a try, and while they were trying they could try to think of another possible solution. Blake nodded his agreement and braced his feet. 

"On the count of three, okay?" Adam looked into Blake's eyes. "One...two...THREE!"

Blake took a step back and pulled backwards as hard as he could. His hand didn't seem to want to budge. He began to try to twist it a little, wondering if he could make the cavity open up just a bit more. Slowly he felt the fowl Chinese trap around his hand start to loosen up. He twisted his arm this time, trying to twist the turkey right off of his hand. 

Bad idea.

There was a loud cracking sound and suddenly his hand was free. He barely noticed the freedom, though, because less than a second later the sound of breaking glass echoed through the kitchen. Blake jumped and so did Adam, nearly causing a collision right there in the middle of the kitchen.

"What was that?" Blake asked hesitantly. 

"The window." Adam pointed at the window over the kitchen sink with the turkey leg in his hand. "That one."

His eyes went briefly to the broken window, but immediately refocused on the other man's hands. There was a turkey leg in each one and it looked so ridiculous that Blake started laughing. Then he couldn't stop, still cracking up until he could barely breath. He leaned his head down on Adam's shoulder as he worked to get himself together.

"So...we have the legs...and the wings...but the rest of the turkey..." He motioned towards the window.

"Yeah." Adam started chuckling too. "It's outside. Do we even want to go look for it?" 

Blake shook his head, still snorting a little. "It's not going anywhere. And we still have a dinner to cook and host...in six hours."

Adam leaned against the counter, suddenly looking like a deflated balloon. "You were right. Maybe we're not up to this. I mean, this isn't like throwing a Superbowl party or a Halloween party."

"Don't worry," Blake moved over to his boyfriend and wrapped the smaller man in his arms. "We're still going to have a great dinner. I might have made a Plan B, just in case."

"Really?" He brightened a little. 

"Really." Leaning in, he gently captured the rock star's lips in his own. 

And that was really what the day was about, being thankful for the ones you loved. Not turkeys or impressive dinners or showing off for your friends and family. As long as he had this, he would be always be thankful.

*****

The dinner Blake had ordered was delicious and no one seemed the wiser that the boys hadn't cooked it. The meal was enjoyable, laughing with family and friends. After the pumpkin pie, the guests began to trickle out of Adam's house one by one. After the last person left and it was just the two of them, Blake surveyed the mess left in the dining room and the leftovers in the kitchen to put away. 

"I say we put the food away tonight and handle the rest in the morning. I'm beat."

Adam wrapped an arm around his waist. "You might have a point."

There was a scratching at the kitchen door and a soft woof. Adam pulled away from Blake to open the door. The dogs had run of most of the backyard and had been sent out to play while the dinner was going on. He loved Bones and Charlie, even if they could be a little crazy sometimes. Both of the dogs were still pretty young, and it was fun to throw footballs for them in the backyard or take them along on hikes. Blake was definitely more of a dog person than a cat person, and two dogs seemed just right. 

A moment later the rock star was snuggling back under his arm and toenails clicked on the tile floor. Blake leaned in for a kiss that he hoped would lead to a second round of a dessert after they put the food away. The kind of dessert that didn't involve sweets, but a bed instead. Adam returned the kiss deeply, pulling a contented noise from his throat. Oh, it was going to be some damn good dessert too. It was written in the hungry way his boyfriend met each kiss and the hands slowly moving down to grip Blake's ass firmly.

Then something landed on Blake's foot and it surprised him enough to pull away. Charlie was standing in front of them looking very proud of herself, brown eyes bright and mouth open in a doggy smile. Her tail wagged as she waited for Blake to look down at what she'd brought him. And when his eyes went to his feet, he saw a turkey carcass resting on his cowboy boot. One without wings or legs.

"Charlie..." Adam groaned. "You silly girl, that's not for you."

Charlie wagged her tail and woofed softly, completely oblivious. 

"I'd say just cook it and give it to the dogs, but that thing's been out there for hours and I'm worried it might give them food poisoning." Blake pointed out. "But I'm sure we can spare a little turkey to reward her for finding it."

"You're such a softie," Adam replied affectionately, bending down to retrieve the turkey off the floor.

Blake crossed the room and got two slices of turkey to give Charlie. She'd been very good about Adam taking her prize and, yeah, she was adorable. She looked so proud of herself that she needed to be rewarded for her hunting job. Hopefully it wouldn't give her ideas about killing things to trade it for people food. But that wasn't enough to keep him from feeding her the turkey and showering the puppy with praise.

"Hey Blake, come take a look at this."

"Hmm?" 

He joined Adam at the counter, where the younger man was peering at the turkey with a little frown. The poor fowl was wingless, legless, covered in dirt and grass, but it was the front of it that seemed to have Adam's attention. He poked at the flap of skin that covered the hole where the neck would have been, flicking something with his finger.

"See this?" He flicked it again.

Blake leaned in for a closer look. To him it looked like paper, one corner of the piece. He pinched the small corner between his thumb and forefinger, tugging lightly. More of it came out and he pulled harder. The flap of skin lifted up and the neck cavity gave birth to a small, white paper bag. It was almost clear from the fluid inside of it, clearly showing the lumps of reddish brown meat inside.

"Well...I'll be damned. When did they start stuffing it in the neck hole?"

"I don't know," Adam clapped Blake on the shoulder. "But we know for next year."

"And we also know the right place to get a Thanksgiving meal ready made," Blake smiled. "It's not just the giblet bag we have to worry about next year...we have to make sure we don't rip all of the limbs off the poor turkey again."

"We've got a whole year. And hey, maybe we can practice on some chickens. Just don't stick your big hands in that or we'll have to replace another window."

"Shut up," Blake leaned in and kissed Adam again. "If you help me get this stuff put away, we can go upstairs and I'll show you what these big hands are good for."

"I remember," Adam smiled happily in return. "But I'm always up for a refresher course."


End file.
